Healing Circles collaborates with school counselors and social workers to offer time-limited grief support groups in schools. Groups usually meet every week, an hour each time, for 6 to 8 weeks. These groups are co-facilitated by a Healing Circles staff member or trained volunteer, along with the school counselor or social worker coordinating the group.
Support groups offered by Healing Circles are just that — support groups, not therapy groups. The goal is for children and youth to feel supported as they grieve the loss of a special person who died. Participants attend because they want to be there and may share as much or little as they want.
Meetings are structured to meet the specific needs of participants and session outlines are made available so parents/guardians can anticipate the issues their children may be processing each week.
The group begins with pizza. After that, we have a simple ritual in memory of the person who died, allow time to check in with each other, and, if there is time, we might participate in a meaningful group activity.
We plan things like music, art, crafts, and writing, but there is absolutely no requirement to do the project. The most important thing is hanging out together.
No. The best thing about the group is coming together in a space where people can share mutual experiences and understanding by being together, not necessarily by speaking.
Entering a new group can be daunting, especially when you are feeling especially vulnerable. This is perfectly normal. Opening up after the loss of a loved one can be very difficult and the group will always respect that. We encourage you to commit to attending three groups. Most teens agree that after three group meetings they never look back! If at all possible, let everyone know if you are not planning to come again to keep the group from experiencing its own sense of sudden loss.
The size of the group varies, but we never have more than 12 at a time. That way, there are enough people to get to know, but not so many that it becomes too intense. Ages range from 13 to 18. At 18, you could also go to our Young Adult Group for 18 to 25 year olds.
No. People learn things about their grief, and other people’s grief. But it is not a class.
We have a set of ground rules to protect everyone in the group. One of the rules is that everything shared in the group remains confidential. The only exception to this rule is if we hear you are planning to hurt yourself or someone else.
MYTH. There is a normal, right way to grieve and an abnormal, wrong way to grieve.
FACT. Everyone’s grief experience is different, personal and unique. Each individual faces grief coming from his or her own personal experiences, ideas, personality, life philosophies, and learned coping strategies. No two grief experiences will be exactly the same, nor should they be. There is no single, right way to grieve.
MYTH. Grief should last for a certain period of time, but after that, I should be able to just get over it.
FACT. Grief is a process rather than an event. As discussed above, everyone experiences a different grieving process and the ways in which we come to terms with loss vary considerably. The duration of grief is no different. While some individuals may sense a very distinct point in time that their grief ends, others may sense that their grief never really stops or goes away entirely, but is experienced in new and changing ways as time goes on. There is no fixed timeline that your personal grief process should follow, so don’t force it. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling for however long you need to. No matter how much time passes, the loss of someone close to you will remain an immensely powerful and life-changing experience
MYTH. It's inappropriate to feel happy, joyful, silly or humorous in the face of losing someone close to me.
FACT. Being happy, silly, joyful, and humorous can be just as much a part of the grief and healing process as feeling sad, angry, or lonely. One might feel these things for many reasons. Perhaps you believe that the person who has died is in a better place or is no longer suffering, or maybe there is no particular reason at all for these feelings. Grief is not always a rational process and we often experience all sorts of different feelings for reasons we can’t explain. Sometimes we may feel opposing feelings at the same time, such as happy and sad, or we may feel many different feelings at once. All of these emotions are a natural part of the grief process and should not be avoided or suppressed. There is no emotion that is “off limits”.
MYTH. It is not okay to be angry or upset about having someone close to you die.
FACT. As mentioned above, there is no emotion that is “off limits,” and anger is certainly not an exception. For many people, anger is a very real component of the grief process that should not be suppressed or make you feel guilty. The important thing is to find appropriate ways to release this anger, and when possible, turn it into something constructive. Among other things, this could take the form of writing, painting, composing music, exercising, and talking about your anger with those you trust. Anger is a natural and acceptable part of grief that can be a powerful force if properly channeled into constructive activities.
MYTH. Crying is a sign of weakness. If I am able to stop myself from crying or expressing emotions, it means that I am strong.
FACT. Crying is a normal, natural, and healthy way to express emotions. Although hiding or bottling up feelings may seem like a good idea at first, over time these emotions usually become more and more intense until finally they cannot be contained any longer and may surface in an explosive way that can be hurtful. Often we do not want to face or acknowledge our feelings because we are afraid of what the result may be. In this sense, to acknowledge and face these feelings, whether expressed through tears or any other way, is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness
MYTH. My friends and family don’t seem to want talk with me about my loss, so they must not care about me and my well-being.
FACT. Unfortunately, death isn’t talked about nearly as much as it should be. As a result, many people feel uncomfortable talking about death or just don’t know how to go about doing it. Furthermore, many people have the misconception that talking about death only makes the grief process more painful. Lastly, many people haven’t personally experienced the death of someone close to them and have no way of knowing what you are going through or feeling. For all of these reasons, friends and family may not bring up the loss, and it is easy to misinterpret their silence as a lack of concern for you. However, others’ intentions are usually good. Although they feel immense concern and compassion for you, many think they are helping you the most by not bringing it up. This is a very difficult situation because it can be equally difficult, if not more so, for the person who is grieving to initiate a conversation about what he or she is feeling. As hard as it may be, open up to the people you trust the most. Once people know that it is helpful and not hurtful for you to talk about your loss, it will be easier for them to bring it up. This is what makes private counseling and support groups like Healing Circles so valuable and important: They are a safe place where people can come together and talk openly about their feelings with others who have experienced loss and relate on a level that others cannot.
MYTH. Grief is a purely emotional process and will not affect me physically or mentally.
FACT. The death of a loved one and the grief process that follows can affect you physically and mentally every bit as much as it affects you emotionally. You may find yourself:
MYTH. Even though I’ve lost someone close to me, I should still be able to perform just as well in school and other activities and be held to the same standards as always.
FACT. Although you may not feel the effects of grief right away, grief can affect us in an endless number of ways, as discussed above. Unfortunately, we live an immensely fast-paced world and even though you may need to stop and take time to grieve, the rest of the world keeps on going just as fast as it always has. It is important that you take the time you need to work through your grief and cut yourself some slack when struggling with things that are normally easy. Similarly, it is important to explain what has happened to people like teachers and coaches. If you are not comfortable doing this yourself, ask a school counselor to talk to them for you. It is crucial for these people to be informed about your situation so they can make appropriate adjustments to support you.